image via BizJournal
By this point, the public is widely aware of the F-35. A jet that sucks so much Canada has pulled out of the project due to a $115 million price-tag per aircraft (the US plans to buy 2,400 of them, or about $276 billion). High cost withstanding, the F-35 loses badly in dogfights against older "inferior" aircraft like the F-16, despite the opposition being handicapped with external fuel tanks. And when the pilot ejects after they're inevitably shot down (or a software error occurs), they're liable to have their neck snapped by their half a million dollar helmet. The same half a million dollar helmet that's too bulky to allow a pilot to turn their head enough to see behind the aircraft, and is so complicated that its operable only half the time. A leaked Pentagon report has called the F-35 "flawed without redemption" and the F-35's reputation is so tarnished the Air Force released a secret memo on how to defend the F-35 to its critics (i.e. everyone).
image via Pinterest
"Step 12: When all else fails, distract with cool photos."
Meet the UH-72 Lakota, the helicopter that for the last ten years, has been flying under the radar. Pun intended, only because the helicopter is such a joke.
image via UH-72A
He's only jumping out to escape the embarrassment.
To break down this bag of insanity that the Army currently utilizes, we need to go all the way back to 2006. The Army was looking for a light utility helicopter (LUH) to replace larger helicopters in missions where they would be cost-prohibitive to use. Despite being labelled "not operationally suitable," the UH-72 was selected as the winner and began to fulfill its role as a VIP transport and MEDEVAC helicopter. There were only a few issues, namely that it was too small for MEDEVAC and became hotter than hell for any unfortunate soul inside the aircraft.
Turns out that despite receiving an "excellent" in interior cabin space, the rear of a UH-72 left a mere six and a half inches to perform life saving medical procedures on patients. That, and when temperatures were a relatively warm 80 °F on the outside, temperatures inside the cockpit and interior would skyrocket to 105 °F. Why weren't these flaws discovered in the testing phase? Reports only respond "we have no idea," but it totally wasn't any shady under the table deals.
This has several issues far larger than discomforting temperatures; mostly that it doesn't teach you to fly a helicopter and it's ridiculously cost-prohibitive.
image via UH-72A
Or he's jumping to get some fresh air.
Turns out that despite receiving an "excellent" in interior cabin space, the rear of a UH-72 left a mere six and a half inches to perform life saving medical procedures on patients. That, and when temperatures were a relatively warm 80 °F on the outside, temperatures inside the cockpit and interior would skyrocket to 105 °F. Why weren't these flaws discovered in the testing phase? Reports only respond "we have no idea," but it totally wasn't any shady under the table deals.
image via FineArtAmerica
Followed by a note about ushering an unknown man with an unmarked briefcase hurriedly out a backdoor.
Despite these issues, several years later, the Army had several hundred of these flying
ovens in the air with no practical use when they encountered a new problem: their current
training helicopter, the TH-67 Creek, was getting "old".
And rather than look for an appropriate new training aircraft, the
Army simply looked at their several hundred useless flying fry
cookers, said "eh, good enough", and selected that to train
all of their new pilots.
This has several issues far larger than discomforting temperatures; mostly that it doesn't teach you to fly a helicopter and it's ridiculously cost-prohibitive.
The
computer system on the UH-72 was noted as being so advanced it's
presumable that one day it will gain sentience and take control of the
aircraft over the helpless pilot's rotor-muffled screams.
image via FlightGlobal
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Aside
from bringing life to a terrible Stephen King film, this also has the
effect of making pilots more lax in their flying. And this isn't me
just talking, it has been
noted in official reports on the original acquisition.
Pilots don't have to do much other than tell the helicopter where
they want to go, and it does the rest for you. And while this
wouldn't be a problem for a seasoned pilot, it could be an issue for
first-timers. It would be like teaching a teenager how to use cruise control, but skipping the gas pedal.
Yet the Army defends its decision. According
to LTC David Cheney, the former manager of the UH-72
program, "We can focus on operating the helicopter as a system
of systems in a combat environment, and less about the mechanics of
flying a helicopter.", That's great and all, but what he's
talking about can be taught after
learning the mechanics of flying a helicopter. It's
like putting the cart before the horse, but forgetting the horse, and
then sending the cart driver to Afghanistan.
And
that still ignores the biggest problem with the UH-72, which is the cost of using it as a trainer. Despite consistent claims that utilizing the UH-72 is a cost-effective solution, reports show otherwise. While the updated version of the current army training helicopter, the TH-67, costs about $650 per flight hour, a UH-72 costs around $2,100 per flight hour, equating to over $110 million more per year for the UH-72. That number also doesn't include the cost of replacing maintenance infrastructure and simulators already in place for the TH-67. Ironic that this was all started in an effort to save money.
image via UH-72a
"Ok, so liquefied dollar bills wasn't the most economical fuel choice."
Through everything, the Army insists that the TH-67s they acquired in 1996 are old and in desperate need of replacement. Meanwhile the manufacturer of the TH-67 points out they're hardly into their useful service life. For some reference, the US Air Force has been using the same training aircraft since 1961.
image via DefenseMediaNetwork
Available at your local antique store.
Also the expensive UH-72 can break if you land it too hard. Good thing they're not teaching brand new pilots to land helicopters! A report even found that the decision to employ the UH-72 as a trainer should be reviewed due to the sheer cost of switching to the UH-72 over the TH-67, and the fact that most instructor pilots don't have a high regard for the aircraft as a trainer due to issues such as limited ability for certain flight maneuvers, and a complete inability to teach auto-rotations (landing the aircraft after engine failure). Good thing that never happens in combat!
The German Army acquired different helicopters after purchasing UH-72 variants when Airbus, manufacturer of the UH-72, the same company touting its success in the US, advised the German Army that the aircraft was unsuitable as an entry-level trainer.
image via UPI
But what do back-to-back World War losers know?
Reasons such as this are why aircraft manufacturers are suing the US Army, and the Army has been halted from buying any more UH-72s as trainers until they open up to competition from other companies to provide a more appropriate alternative. Turns out shunning economic competition and simply selecting a new trainer willy-nilly is super stupid and super illegal for the military.
image via Yahoo
We're better at spreading capitalism, than actually using it.
Despite this, the UH-72 is still set to become the Army's primary initial-entry training aircraft by 2019. So remember this the next time you hear someone complain about how the US military doesn't get enough money in its budget. Or complains that America doesn't "win" anymore.
image via svdp and DefenseIndustryDaily
Not pictured: Fiscal responsibility. Or common sense. Or reason.
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